Gold diggers

There is a scene in the Great Indian Kitchen where the bride's jewellery goes after checking into the almirah of the parents in law. It is not clear if the girl gets back her jewels after she leaves the house and husband. 

Whatever, that a girl did not have rights even over her jewels was revealing to me. In a Kerala Hindu household, the jewellery as well as the gifted land becomes the in-law's property. Unlike Southern Kerala Christians who give it all in cash, except where it is an all-daughter family (in which case it is a share of property), south Hindus seem to expect a huge chunk in gold (all or most of which adorns the bride's body on wedding day) and land. 

The deaths of Uttara and Vismaya have brought back the issue of our dowry system to the fore once again. While Uttara was a differently abled girl whose husband had his eyes only on what she brought with her and used a snake to get rid of her, the latter seemed destined for a happy future - she was pretty, educated and well off. Alas, it was not to be and we have yet another death that is hogging headlines for now. In a month's time, all will be forgotten and we will return to our dowry demands and gold digging.

The husband at home, not surprisingly, prefers to believe the arguments of the boy's parents - that she was arrogant and on the phone always, her family didnt care etc. His usual stand is one of trying to throw mud at women who stand up for themselves. I tell him it is not surprising from someone who has collected a hefty dowry and blew up half of it for the wedding and the expenses of his extended family. Not him per se, but the father-in-law who loves to splurge when he has any money in hand. All the more better when it comes free or is someone else's hard-earned money. It was much more than he expected, so it was fun to spend - a house renovation; on saris and shirts for relatives; three different cuisine (vegetarian, traditional Xian and biriyani) in three different wings of the wedding hall; and the rest to clear pending debts (and yet complain that the son's wedding made him broke!). Whereas the next wedding in the family a few years later was held frugally with half the money.

Dad was to blame too, bragging as he did about giving so much in cash and kind (car and jewels) as my share of his assets. Among us non-Catholic central Keralites, the amount has only got higher with each year and with the Church taking a cut. 

I still seethe that the progressive, liberal journalist that I am supposed to be allowed myself to be bartered like this. The only consolation is that the parents in law have been loving and caring, and I have not had to slog in the kitchen like the stories we hear. There have been cooks and servants to take care of all the work at home, and we have only just chipped in a little whenever the situation warranted.

While V has grand plans of a traditional alliance for his daughter, Mira has other ideas. Yesterday's dowry death has made her declare once again that arranged marriages are bad. She has my blessings and support in choosing her own.